Missing time...
Well, this has been a crappy few days. Days of poor decision making. Days of focusing on me only instead of me and how I affect those around me. I've been missing from the blog since the 29th, so here's a recap of the last three days.
I'm going to now own it, identify it, and move forward.
Wednesday was going well. I had a very productive morning. The kids were having a great day. #3 got her entire room cleaned up from the glitter fight she and her brother had the night before. I was supposed to go to a live home auction at 1:30, but #3, #4 and I didn't get out of the house in time. Instead, we went straight to the school for back to school packet stuffing. The first PTA thing I've done all summer. I'm realizing as I'm writing this that this gig is what started a string of events that lead to our downfall. I'll get to that in a minute... We got there early, so I had a chance to catch up with a couple of friends: administrators, administrative assistants, old teachers, other volunteers. #1 and #2 rode their bikes and met us at the school at Packet Stuffing time. We had a ton of people there to help, so it didn't take as long as it did last year, and we were out of there in time to get #1 to voice lessons. #2 rode her bike home, and #3 & #4 fought the entire time. Fought over who was going to get me to tickle them, wound each other up over a game of chess, just got completely wound up in general. We finally got home, and we made homemade pizza for dinner. YUM! I made a cauliflower crust for me, and homemade crust for everyone else. Hubby was out of town, so I was on my own for bedtime, and the kids all wanted to watch a movie while they ate dinner. So by the time dinner and the movie were done, it was 9:00 and the kids weren't in bed yet. As I'm trying to get the kids into bed, hubby calls from out of town saying that the chest pain he'd had since the morning before (the way he was describing it earlier, I was convinced it was anxiety) was getting worse, and he was having a hard time breathing, so before putting the kids to bed, I was frantically getting him to an ER. I had the map up on my computer, and made him stay on the phone with me until he got there, while I gave him directions and monitored how he was feeling. By the time he got there and we hung up, it was 9:30 and I was finally putting kids to bed. Okay, 9:30 is when I usually go to bed, because I know how lack of sleep affects me, but obviously not tonight. I cleaned up the kitchen, sat down in the living room to google cardiac symptoms versus ulcer symptoms, etc. while texting with hubby about the tests he was being given, and looking at pick he was sending me of his ECG. #3 came down close to 11 saying that she still couldn't go to sleep, and could she sleep in my room and could I come up to lay with her. So I took my phone upstairs, and she finally fell asleep while I continued texting and googling. I finally got a text at 12 saying that the doc had cleared him, that there was no sign of anything cardiac on his ECG and all they had to do was wait on his bloodwork. I finally went to sleep close to 1am. Ugh! So much for a good night's sleep.
So Thursday, needless to say I was a walking zombie. I started my day on schedule at 6. I did my bible time and exercises (Micro-win, YAY!). I realized at the last minute that I was out of thyroid medication. So I put the bottle on the counter to remember to refill it. (never happened, ugh!). This was meet the teacher and schedule day. I had to wake everyone up at 8:00 (the 7th grader has been sleeping until 12 or 1, the 6th grader hasn't woken up before 10 and even the 3rd grader has been sleeping until 9 or so every day. This was painful, but the day was packed. Kindergarten and New Student Orientation in the morning (I don't have a Kindergartner OR a New Student, but my kids were volunteered to be tour guides, which they LOVE, and I was there to introduce everyone to our new online platform, of which I am the administrator). After that, we went home and had a quick lunch (another micro-win), only to return for 6th Grade schedule pick up (I forgot the TdAP form at home, so we didn't get the schedule) and Middle school fee day, followed by 1st and 3rd grade school supply drop off and meet the teacher time. We had about an hour to spare, so we went by the music store to pick up the 6th grader's cello, and the phone store to fix my cell that conveniently went dead midway through the day. Back to the middle school for 7th grade schedule pickup and brought the forms with us to get the 6th grader's schedule at the same time. We had to leave there with enough time to pick up Chick Fil'A and drop off some kids before I went to my very last ever cheer practice (I gave up the coaching, but offered to choreograph this year). I didn't get home until 8, and hubby didn't get home until after 9 from work (also exhausted, he didn't get back to his hotel until 2am! from the ER), and by that time, #3 & #4 were going crazy. Ugh! Ok. Crazy day.
- Now there's got to be something that we learn from this day? I gave up PTA President and Cheer Coaching for a reason. To make my life more sane and to be able to focus more on my children. This is the first day that these have both collided into the same day in almost a year. And I care too much about my children to let this happen. #3 was an absolute mess for most of the day. I don't know if it's the stress and anxiety of going back to school, or the not getting enough sleep, or the anxiety of doing too much in one day. She was nasty. We can't do our life like this.
So on to Friday... I didn't sleep well. Had a hard time falling asleep, woke up several times throughout the night thinking about all the things that still needed to be done for PTA, to get the kids ready for school, for our annual Crab Fest that we host the Sunday of Labor Day weekend. (for the record, this is the first time I've woken up like this since I started this transformation journey) Finally just got out of bed at 5am. One hour before my scheduled wake up. I realized that I never did refill my thyroid medication, so called the Pharmacy to refill it, and what do you know, there were no refills left, so they had to call my doc to get the refill, so an un-medicated day (oops). I spent most of the morning either working on my computer, on PTA website stuff, or folding the massive piles of clothes that have been sitting in baskets in my dining room this week. My morning routine didn't happen, so I didn't eat breakfast (bad decision #1). I told the principal yesterday that I would be at the Teacher luncheon Friday to show any teachers interested the new web platform (bad decision zero - where it all started). But... I forgot to put the time of the PTA luncheon on my calendar, so at about 10:15, I realized that I hadn't gotten the apples I was supposed to bring to the luncheon from the grocery store yet and I panicked. I was looking online for the start of the party. All I found was that the cleanup crew had to be there at 12:30, and thought "oh, no! it must start at 11am, instead of 12 like I thought!!" I jumped up and changed my clothes, realized that the only two children awake were the younger two and that neither of them were dressed or had eaten breakfast, so I put breakfast in front of them, told them their sister was in charge and to be good. I woke up the oldest enough to let her know I was leaving and that she was in charge, and left the kids home alone (bad decision #2). I got the school at 10:55, and realized that it didn't start until 12. But since there were only two of them setting up, I decided to stay and help and catch up with my friends instead of going home and checking on kids, and getting the younger ones up and dressed and bring them back with me at 12 (bad decision #3). I ate lunch at the luncheon, which included a roasted veggie sandwich (so bad for me), chips, a HOHO!!, and a bag of apple slices. (bad decisions #3.1-3.9) When the luncheon was almost over (around 12:30 or so), the principal started talking and I put my phone on vibrate so that it didn't disturb her (bad decision #4 because I know that my phone doesn't work too well around the school, and that I forget when I put it on vibrate). I didn't leave the school until 1:40 or so to find several missed calls, text messages and FB messages. The younger two had poured glue all over the clean clothes I had folded and left on the kitchen table in a rush (another bad decision) and were terrorizing the older two. Ugh! They couldn't reach me, so they had called my husband, who was at work, and called my inlaws who live two hours away. My inlaws were on their way AND my husband was on his way home from work by the time I got home. Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! We spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning and yelling, and cleaning and scolding, and standing over our children while they cleaned the bathroom covered in poop, the kitchen table covered in glue and had a long talk about NOT peeing out the windows and NOT doing everything that your sister tells you to do. By the time dinner rolled around I was completely out of gas, and we ordered chinese food (bad decision # I've lost count). I ended up finally making the one good decision of the day and put myself to bed at 9:30, like I hadn't the last several nights, but on the way to bed, I passed by the amazing red velvet cupcakes my #2 made the other day and made my umpteenth bad decision to eat one on the way to bed. I pretty much earned that one.
So here we are, well rested and medicated. I'm taking accountability for my poor decisions over the last several days. But at the same time, I'm NOT going to continue to beat myself up over the poor choices. I'm going to learn and move on. That's what this transformation is about.
PTA. I love it, I love the energy it brings the school and what it does for our students and our teachers. I love the people and the friends that I've made, but it is seriously my downfall. I don't know if its the pride that I take in it, or how important I feel when I'm involved in it or what. It's becoming obvious that God doesn't want me volunteering much with the PTA this year. So, I'm recommitting to putting PTA last on my to-do list, focusing back on my family and my home. I'm going to revisit the signup geniuses that I've already committed to, and see if I can find someone to swap out with me. I'm going to take several deep breaths, and take some quality time with #3, talking about how important it is to get quality sleep, and talking about any anxieties she may have about school. I'm going to take back my home, get it ready for our party tomorrow and purchase supplies. Not everything is going to get done. It's a rainy and just generally crappy outside today, so the outside prep will have to wait. I'm going to let God lead me around today. :-)
Here's to letting go, and letting God!
K
I'm going to now own it, identify it, and move forward.
Wednesday was going well. I had a very productive morning. The kids were having a great day. #3 got her entire room cleaned up from the glitter fight she and her brother had the night before. I was supposed to go to a live home auction at 1:30, but #3, #4 and I didn't get out of the house in time. Instead, we went straight to the school for back to school packet stuffing. The first PTA thing I've done all summer. I'm realizing as I'm writing this that this gig is what started a string of events that lead to our downfall. I'll get to that in a minute... We got there early, so I had a chance to catch up with a couple of friends: administrators, administrative assistants, old teachers, other volunteers. #1 and #2 rode their bikes and met us at the school at Packet Stuffing time. We had a ton of people there to help, so it didn't take as long as it did last year, and we were out of there in time to get #1 to voice lessons. #2 rode her bike home, and #3 & #4 fought the entire time. Fought over who was going to get me to tickle them, wound each other up over a game of chess, just got completely wound up in general. We finally got home, and we made homemade pizza for dinner. YUM! I made a cauliflower crust for me, and homemade crust for everyone else. Hubby was out of town, so I was on my own for bedtime, and the kids all wanted to watch a movie while they ate dinner. So by the time dinner and the movie were done, it was 9:00 and the kids weren't in bed yet. As I'm trying to get the kids into bed, hubby calls from out of town saying that the chest pain he'd had since the morning before (the way he was describing it earlier, I was convinced it was anxiety) was getting worse, and he was having a hard time breathing, so before putting the kids to bed, I was frantically getting him to an ER. I had the map up on my computer, and made him stay on the phone with me until he got there, while I gave him directions and monitored how he was feeling. By the time he got there and we hung up, it was 9:30 and I was finally putting kids to bed. Okay, 9:30 is when I usually go to bed, because I know how lack of sleep affects me, but obviously not tonight. I cleaned up the kitchen, sat down in the living room to google cardiac symptoms versus ulcer symptoms, etc. while texting with hubby about the tests he was being given, and looking at pick he was sending me of his ECG. #3 came down close to 11 saying that she still couldn't go to sleep, and could she sleep in my room and could I come up to lay with her. So I took my phone upstairs, and she finally fell asleep while I continued texting and googling. I finally got a text at 12 saying that the doc had cleared him, that there was no sign of anything cardiac on his ECG and all they had to do was wait on his bloodwork. I finally went to sleep close to 1am. Ugh! So much for a good night's sleep.
So Thursday, needless to say I was a walking zombie. I started my day on schedule at 6. I did my bible time and exercises (Micro-win, YAY!). I realized at the last minute that I was out of thyroid medication. So I put the bottle on the counter to remember to refill it. (never happened, ugh!). This was meet the teacher and schedule day. I had to wake everyone up at 8:00 (the 7th grader has been sleeping until 12 or 1, the 6th grader hasn't woken up before 10 and even the 3rd grader has been sleeping until 9 or so every day. This was painful, but the day was packed. Kindergarten and New Student Orientation in the morning (I don't have a Kindergartner OR a New Student, but my kids were volunteered to be tour guides, which they LOVE, and I was there to introduce everyone to our new online platform, of which I am the administrator). After that, we went home and had a quick lunch (another micro-win), only to return for 6th Grade schedule pick up (I forgot the TdAP form at home, so we didn't get the schedule) and Middle school fee day, followed by 1st and 3rd grade school supply drop off and meet the teacher time. We had about an hour to spare, so we went by the music store to pick up the 6th grader's cello, and the phone store to fix my cell that conveniently went dead midway through the day. Back to the middle school for 7th grade schedule pickup and brought the forms with us to get the 6th grader's schedule at the same time. We had to leave there with enough time to pick up Chick Fil'A and drop off some kids before I went to my very last ever cheer practice (I gave up the coaching, but offered to choreograph this year). I didn't get home until 8, and hubby didn't get home until after 9 from work (also exhausted, he didn't get back to his hotel until 2am! from the ER), and by that time, #3 & #4 were going crazy. Ugh! Ok. Crazy day.
- Now there's got to be something that we learn from this day? I gave up PTA President and Cheer Coaching for a reason. To make my life more sane and to be able to focus more on my children. This is the first day that these have both collided into the same day in almost a year. And I care too much about my children to let this happen. #3 was an absolute mess for most of the day. I don't know if it's the stress and anxiety of going back to school, or the not getting enough sleep, or the anxiety of doing too much in one day. She was nasty. We can't do our life like this.
So on to Friday... I didn't sleep well. Had a hard time falling asleep, woke up several times throughout the night thinking about all the things that still needed to be done for PTA, to get the kids ready for school, for our annual Crab Fest that we host the Sunday of Labor Day weekend. (for the record, this is the first time I've woken up like this since I started this transformation journey) Finally just got out of bed at 5am. One hour before my scheduled wake up. I realized that I never did refill my thyroid medication, so called the Pharmacy to refill it, and what do you know, there were no refills left, so they had to call my doc to get the refill, so an un-medicated day (oops). I spent most of the morning either working on my computer, on PTA website stuff, or folding the massive piles of clothes that have been sitting in baskets in my dining room this week. My morning routine didn't happen, so I didn't eat breakfast (bad decision #1). I told the principal yesterday that I would be at the Teacher luncheon Friday to show any teachers interested the new web platform (bad decision zero - where it all started). But... I forgot to put the time of the PTA luncheon on my calendar, so at about 10:15, I realized that I hadn't gotten the apples I was supposed to bring to the luncheon from the grocery store yet and I panicked. I was looking online for the start of the party. All I found was that the cleanup crew had to be there at 12:30, and thought "oh, no! it must start at 11am, instead of 12 like I thought!!" I jumped up and changed my clothes, realized that the only two children awake were the younger two and that neither of them were dressed or had eaten breakfast, so I put breakfast in front of them, told them their sister was in charge and to be good. I woke up the oldest enough to let her know I was leaving and that she was in charge, and left the kids home alone (bad decision #2). I got the school at 10:55, and realized that it didn't start until 12. But since there were only two of them setting up, I decided to stay and help and catch up with my friends instead of going home and checking on kids, and getting the younger ones up and dressed and bring them back with me at 12 (bad decision #3). I ate lunch at the luncheon, which included a roasted veggie sandwich (so bad for me), chips, a HOHO!!, and a bag of apple slices. (bad decisions #3.1-3.9) When the luncheon was almost over (around 12:30 or so), the principal started talking and I put my phone on vibrate so that it didn't disturb her (bad decision #4 because I know that my phone doesn't work too well around the school, and that I forget when I put it on vibrate). I didn't leave the school until 1:40 or so to find several missed calls, text messages and FB messages. The younger two had poured glue all over the clean clothes I had folded and left on the kitchen table in a rush (another bad decision) and were terrorizing the older two. Ugh! They couldn't reach me, so they had called my husband, who was at work, and called my inlaws who live two hours away. My inlaws were on their way AND my husband was on his way home from work by the time I got home. Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! We spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning and yelling, and cleaning and scolding, and standing over our children while they cleaned the bathroom covered in poop, the kitchen table covered in glue and had a long talk about NOT peeing out the windows and NOT doing everything that your sister tells you to do. By the time dinner rolled around I was completely out of gas, and we ordered chinese food (bad decision # I've lost count). I ended up finally making the one good decision of the day and put myself to bed at 9:30, like I hadn't the last several nights, but on the way to bed, I passed by the amazing red velvet cupcakes my #2 made the other day and made my umpteenth bad decision to eat one on the way to bed. I pretty much earned that one.
So here we are, well rested and medicated. I'm taking accountability for my poor decisions over the last several days. But at the same time, I'm NOT going to continue to beat myself up over the poor choices. I'm going to learn and move on. That's what this transformation is about.
PTA. I love it, I love the energy it brings the school and what it does for our students and our teachers. I love the people and the friends that I've made, but it is seriously my downfall. I don't know if its the pride that I take in it, or how important I feel when I'm involved in it or what. It's becoming obvious that God doesn't want me volunteering much with the PTA this year. So, I'm recommitting to putting PTA last on my to-do list, focusing back on my family and my home. I'm going to revisit the signup geniuses that I've already committed to, and see if I can find someone to swap out with me. I'm going to take several deep breaths, and take some quality time with #3, talking about how important it is to get quality sleep, and talking about any anxieties she may have about school. I'm going to take back my home, get it ready for our party tomorrow and purchase supplies. Not everything is going to get done. It's a rainy and just generally crappy outside today, so the outside prep will have to wait. I'm going to let God lead me around today. :-)
Here's to letting go, and letting God!
K
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