I have a dream...

First...  I have to put this out there in the ether...

When I was little, if anyone had asked me what I want to do when I grew up, I would say... "Stand in front of 100s or even 1000s of people and talk"

My mom heard that and said "Oh, you will be a teacher" (she was a teacher). My teacher heard that and said "Oh, you will be an actress". A different teacher heard that and put me into the Junior High speaking team. 

Eventually that "dream" faded away when I was too nervous and had too much stage fright to try out for the theater performance in high school, and I stuck with cheer and dance instead. I was a kid who did what was expected of them next, and when I graduated from high school went straight to college, and majored in "sorority" with a minor in accounting (it was the easiest major for me). I graduated and went to work in a Big 5 accounting firm. 

Then came the Quarter-Life Crisis. You know the one...  When you realize that you're not doing what you thought you'd be doing. You're not the person that you thought you would be, or that you want to be. When I was faced with the question, "Well, what DO you want to do?" I found in my heart the answer again... "I want to stand in front of 100s or even 1000s of people and talk."

At this point, I'd been indoctrinated with the mindset of school first, then action. So, I paid several thousands of $$s to attend acting school while still working a full time job as an auditor. I loved it. It absolutely drained me, going to work at 6am so that I could take off at 5 to get to class on time, and being in class from 6-10 after which I'd have to do the work that I brought home with me. But, man, I loved every minute of it!!  

I loved the process and methods of acting as well. It wasn't very sustainable, though. In the middle of this process, I met my future husband. God showed me very clearly that this was the next path that my life would take. We married, and now have 4 kids. The youngest is now going into 1st grade, and I'm faced with the second quarter-life crisis. 

As I sit and pray about what God wants for my life... I see and feel again... "Stand in front of 100s or even 1000s of people and speak."  

Well, Acting was awesome, but I want to be able to have the evenings and weekends with my family and that isn't a possibility with the theater acting world, so that isn't the answer...  I tried coaching, and although I loved it, it still didn't feel right... I was PTA president for a year, and was able to speak twice there. Definitely in my wheelhouse, and loved the volunteerism, but took too much time away from my family in a season of child-rearing. Definitely think if I'm going to do something that time intensive, it needs to pay. So here we go, I'm at the end of my ideas... I've got to leave it up to God.

God, show me how this serves you. Show me how this can also serve my family. Lastly, show me the next steps to take in this journey. Make it Absolutely Clear what the next step is and make it clear that this next step is YOUR idea, so that I don't miss it.
In your son's name... Amen

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